"NEVER SETTLE"

“NEVER SETTLE.”

People often confuse the idea of “not settling” for “always looking for something better”.

Don’t get it twisted. 

Taking action to follow your dreams in pursuit of worthy goals 

- is NOT the same as -

Abandoning people, places, or things because you no longer find them pleasurable or rewarding.

So many people waste their lives away aimlessly trying new things and dropping them for the next shiny object that comes their way.

Dating, work, travel, hobbies - you name it, swinging from branch to branch, hoping to find something that “completes them”.  But what they are missing is within, and can’t be find outside of oneself.

It’s Goldilocks Syndrome - never being satisfied, always on the hunt. 

Really, people are just looking to avoid pain. Seeking comfort. Temporary pleasure. Freedom from emotional distress. 

Look, it’s good to want to upgrade your life. That’s a move in the right direction.

But you can’t do it by always chasing something new. By filling your life and house with things, people - distractions.

You can only improve your life by improving yourself.

Otherwise, what’s really missing will come to haunt you. It will threaten to take away whatever you have. Some of the good things and relationships you’ve built.

“Never Settle” also doesn’t mean to stubbornly hold on to things not meant for you, even when it’s clear that there’s no chance you can win.

You need to know when to fold. If you cling, it’s out of desperation. Pride. Ego. 

This is even more difficult when it’s something you hold near and dear to you. If you cling onto a dead corpse, the dream becomes a nightmare.

You need to know when to let go.

No one but yourself will know. 

But deep inside, you will always know.

What “Never Settle” means is:

To never compromise on your values, your integrity, your wellbeing - the stuff your dreams are made of.

To strive to achieve your goals for the learning. Not the rewards.

The process and not the product. The journey, not the destination.

It’s about prioritization. 

Ultimately, it’s about putting yourself first.

Never settle for a lesser version of you.

But people do things in the wrong order. 

They go after the accomplishments, the recognition, the fame, the bragging rights, the convenience.

And in doing so, they leave behind a wake of burned bridges, unfinished projects, shallow connections, a big body count. 

Baggage. 

Regrets.

Before you can get what you want, you have to know what you’re going after.

Going after the life of your dreams begins with introspection.

Knowing who you are.

Knowing what you want. 

Knowing why you want it.

Knowing how to go get it.

Knowing where to look.

Looking is not knowing. 

Knowing is not doing.

Doing is the only way to achieve your goals.

There will be missteps. There will be pain. There will be failure. Lots of failure. 

There will be brief moments of joy. 

The changes in you will all be worth it. 

There will always be change. Life is flux.

But through it all, you will find what you’re really looking for - peace. 

It comes and goes. But when your goal is to grow, the skills you learn will help you get it back faster and more easily, and to then share it with others. 

Same with love. Love comes from peace.

The growth mindset gives you those skills.

So come FLUX with me. 

I’m sharing my story and my progress through my writing here and on social media so you can learn from my lessons, failures, success - to help you find your own way. Look, I’m no guru. But I’ll share what I’ve learned. It’s been one hell of a trip so far, one that I’ll be riding until my last breath. So feel fee to follow my journey via my social links below.

And no matter what happens before then, at least I’ll know this:

“I did it… myyyyyyy… waaaaayyyyyy.”

#FLUXEVERYDAY 

ENMESHMENT: "Share the Fantasy"

WHAT IS ENMESHMENT?

“Enmeshment” refers to emotional fusion and blurred boundaries within relationships, often in families or close connections. In simple terms, it means that individuals involved in an enmeshed relationship may have difficulty distinguishing their own thoughts, feelings, and identities from those of others. This can lead to a lack of personal autonomy and an unclear sense of self.

You lose yourself in the relationship. You’re no longer an individual, a unique self, you have no more identity of your own - you have merged with the other person. A symbiote. 

It starts with good intentions, trying to be more supportive of your partner, parent, or friend, by being understanding, by always taking their side - in essence, trying to be “more loving”.  Even when they’re intentionally harmful to others, themselves, and you. You try to be good to them.

But when it comes at the cost of your identity, your mental well-being, your self esteem, and other healthy relationships, it’s no longer love. 

NARCISSISM & NICE GUYS

Enmeshment leads to slavery and abuse. At the hands of a Narcissist, it becomes a form of control, manipulation, exploitation, and ammo for future gaslighting. 

It looks like:

• constantly seeking approval

• acquiescing to the other’s every desire in order to appear as a “good partner”

• always agreeing and backing them up, no matter what (even if it’s clearly wrong)

• an inability to function independently, make decisions, or formulate opinions on one’s own

• being forbidden from disagreeing or being punished for disagreeing 

• doing whatever it takes to stay on their good side

Obedience. Sucking up. Being a simp. 

It’s trying to overcompensate, stemming from a sense of deficiency, a lack of self esteem, and a weak sense of identity. It’s also called a lack of boundaries. 

“Nice guys” have a really tough time with this, even more so these days with all the mixed messaging in modern media confusing healthy masculinity with misogyny. “Nice guys” are the perfect candidates for enslavement by Narcissists.

The relationship turns into co-dependency. This is an especially toxic dynamic where the co-dependent person enables the narcissistic behavior, while the narcissistic person seeks constant validation and control.

PREVENTION AND RECOVERY

Avoiding the trap of enmeshment takes deliberate personal action and, for a healthy relationship, teamwork.

It requires both parties to be respectful of each other’s individuality and to appreciate each other’s opinions, instead of demanding the other person to be their “Yes”man.

The practices and skills one needs to prevent enmeshment include:

• Self awareness

• Boundary setting 

• Effective communication

• Emotional regulation

• Personal autonomy

• Healthy support networks

As you can probably tell, these are the skills to build for any healthy interpersonal relationship.

Enmeshment is a major reason why leaving unhealthy relationships, whether romantic, family, or even work, can feel so conflicting internally. And if you’ve already taken the bold move to exit the relationship, you feel so lost and your thoughts keep pulling you back towards them. No matter how many terrible things they did to you, you feel like you just can’t live without them. Like you don’t know who you are anymore. Because you don’t. 

That’s even more reason to reinvent yourself. This is the first step towards a growth mindset. 

Desire to change. 

Start now.

Stop the Fantasy.

Start living in reality.

Start living for yourself.

You need to know your worth. You are worthy of healthy love.

First learn to love yourself.

“GO TO YOUR DESERT”

I’m drawn to the quiet and stillness of the desert. It’s like an empty canvas - a barren wasteland, blank and vast, filled with endless possibilities. The solitude I find there inspires me to let go of what is unnecessary and focus on what truly matters, reminding me that sometimes, less really is more.

The word “desert" comes from the Latin word "desertum," which means "an abandoned place.” It doesn’t have to be a place that was once inhabited, but the sentiment is still the same.  Likewise, the word we use to describe the desert “desolate”, comes from the Latin word "desolatus," which means "abandoned" or "deserted."  No man’s land. 

The desert is harsh, scorching hot and dusty, with signs of death everywhere. Yet there is abundant beauty all around, even in the form of a glimmering mirage. Life can be found teeming in the most unsuspecting of places. 

It is a holy place of death and rebirth. 

At sundown, the sky dons a purple and pink robe and, in the privacy of darkness, disrobes to reveal a gateway to the cosmos. In the morning, the harsh reality of life becomes ever more apparent with each rising degree in temperature. It’s not a vacation destination, but it can be a place for you to vacate your mind and body.

The desert is a place where you go to abandon your former self - those things that no longer serve you. It’s where you go to bury the old version of you and begin anew - a little dry, a little burnt, with parched lips thirsty for more… life.

My heart will always be in the desert, and there is a desert in all of our hearts, yearning to be visited.

Go to your desert, and make sure to bring lots of water and sunglasses. 

"Man was not made for the desert, but the desert was made for man. It is a place where we can confront ourselves and find our place in the world." - Edward Abbey

"DMZFISH", A Short Film by JUSTIN J KIM (2014)

This was originally posted on Instagram as a shorter caption. The full description is posted here since it’s too long for Instagram.

---

“DMZFISH” is a short film I made in 2014. (Only 7 yrs ago, so I’m getting better at releasing my content, right? 😅)

-

This was released on Youtube on March 1st, in commemoration of Korea's March 1st Movement Day ('Samil Jeol'), the nationwide independence movement in 1919 in protest against the occupation of Korea by Japan, back when both Koreas were still unified as one nation. I’m not posting this to make some penchant political statement or to dredge up past resentments… although it does eerily echo the current state of affairs - unprovoked hostile invasion by a neighboring bully on a repeat basis throughout history. (To my Japanese peeps, I got nothing but love for you.) These are just facts.

-

I’m sharing this because this trip meant a lot for me in retrospect, especially these days as I explore the outdoors to the fullest. It was probably my last fishing trip with my buddy Dan before returning to the States. He had just gifted me a new rod and reel, with a beautiful burled wooden handle that his buddy GW (also in the film) had lacquered and assembled. The two veteran fishermen took me out to teach me a few basics on casting, which to this day I still haven’t improved on by much, for lack of practice and patience. Fly fishing is an art. As they say, teach a man to fish… and well, he’s hooked for life. 🎣 Plus, one of my favorite music artists at the time, Lapalux, had just dropped a totally psychedelic symphony, providing the perfect score.

-

This day of chasing rivers, streams, and even a salmon run in a construction zone was mostly shot in Gangwon province, just outside of Seoul. A stone’s throw from the DMZ border. 

Like many Korean diaspora, my family’s roots are in that small slice of land covered in barbed wire and divided by an imaginary line that was created by two military giants, each with controlling interests in this soil. To this day, the two warring Koreas are only at pause via a paper armistice in a war which is not truly of their own origin, pitting brother vs brother and tearing families apart because of ideological fantasies propagated by opposing puppet masters. The hope for reunification is too a pipe dream, a patriotic romance reserved for displaced families who couldn’t escape to the South, or for us, their immigrant children - who grew up in foreign lands hearing their parents’ war stories and watching them weep as they recounted lost lives and shattered dreams. History is not a kind teacher.😪

-

Why do I constantly bring up the past? It’s part analysis, part paralysis, some parts analysis-paralysis. Even though we can only move forward in time, the past informs the future. We need to learn from the past and learn to let go of what needs to be let go and learn how to move forward. Making a short film is my process - of processing my own past, delving into my heritage, documenting life as legacy, and examining the forces that came together to create who I am today, so that I can become who I want to become tomorrow. Thanks for reading this far.🙏 #samiljeol #koreanindependenceday #🇰🇷

-

Hope you’ll enjoy watching this short on YouTube.

From 'Art of Facts' to 'ART OF FLUX'.

An Art of Facts story

The original logo design. The triangle and circle come from Freemason symbols and the typeface is “Mrs Eaves”, named after Ben Franklin’s wife.

It was 2014. Seoul. I was living in Gangnam. Gangnam Style was still playing on the radio, much akin to a national anthem. 

My outdoor brand Art of Facts Korea was humming along, getting press in magazines like Go Out, with pop ups and events running on the regular with great turnouts, but the profits were slim, if any. I imported US heritage-inspired craft brands like Makr Carry, BestMade Co, Tanner Goods, Kapital, and even some candles and fragrances from Le Labo, all small scale distribution or gray market (smuggled and resold). Most customers could only afford small items like soap dishes and knickknacks, chochkies for decorating interiors or EDC gear for keychains. The bigger stuff drew attention, but most young Koreans don’t have the spending money for frivolous ornaments like a Bestmadeco axe in a city like Seoul that has no fireplaces. 

If there was any cash to be found, I’d divert it to buying fabrics and trims for producing my softgoods line: stuffsacks and bags using dead stock military fabric, t-shirts embroidered by craftsmen, handwaxed aprons. The point was to reclaim “heritage” and revitalize interest in craft goods for the modern generation through local manufacturing. Make “Made in Korea” again. My love of cultural quotidian objects such as tools inspired the brand name - get it? Artifacts. A few weeks after I’d release our goods, a similar item would be mass produced by another brand with no connection to the outdoors or heritage. And it would be made in China. The craftsmen Id meet would go out of business, die of cancer, or both. Their children refused to carry the family trade, looking for a way out of their small town villages and a ticket to the big Kpop city of Seoul. 

I came to realize my heritage-based business model was fatally flawed and would not work as  originally intended. Either somehow find the craftspeople with the skills to make super high quality goods to my spec or just resell their goods at a higher price and take profits off the top. Or, make shitty quality trendy stuff like everything at A-land, Korea’s answer to Urban Outfitters (which used to be cool back in my day in the early 90s when they mostly sold Doc Martens, Dickies, and vintage.) That and my personal life reached a critical juncture when I was given an ultimatum: to either marry my girlfriend I had been dating for 3 years and move to the US (this was a package deal), or to stay and pursue my entrepreneurial endeavors, solo, penniless and heartbroken. With regard to my romantic career, in retrospect, hindsight is 20/20. I chose the former, but should have stuck to my guns with the latter. 

Fast forward to three years later after having gotten married and moved with my wife back to NYC, I found myself divorced and riddled with way more debts than I had begun with from Art of Facts.  But through it all, the relationships, the networking, the friendships formed were worth every moment of misery and sleepless nights worrying about whether my overdraft protection would cover the overdraft fees from a negative bank account balance. 

Why? I had learned the ropes of the product development process, from concept to manufacture and distribution. I picked up on cues about the nuances of the apparel industry and others, since Korea was still a hotbed for designer brands. I had met with distributors and brand managers for the most widely recognized global apparel brands and household names, and had broken bread with the founders of some of them. I had culled talent, tested my mettle, and piled up favors from people I knew I could trust with my back. You just can’t beat hands-on experience and failure is your best teacher. I had learned the Facts of Life. The hard way. This was the Art of Facts. Now it was time to evolve, to adapt, to morph into a new form. “Life is Flux.” is my mantra, based on an inevitable truth. So I became the Art of Flux. 

And most of all, I did it… my way….

The updated version. For 2022 and beyond.

“Fallen” Oct 2021

I realize why I love the Fall so much.  

The same reason why I love travel. 

The pause in between breaths. 

In that brief pause between inhaling and exhaling is where I find the most clarity. 

Fall is that in between, a mid-stage metamorphosis.

Of course being a November baby, it’s easy for me to be partial to my birth season. 

Most people are. Perhaps it’s just an affirmation of self worth and celebration of their existence, perhaps it goes deeper to the core, where everything about a person’s past present and future is linked to their favorite season. I don’t know and maybe I’ll never know. Maybe it doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. But my favorite time of the year is almost always during those few shorts weeks in between summer and winter.

Besides, there are so many milestones and reverent events that transpire during the Fall: 

• Halloween

• Thanksgiving 

• Pumpkin pie (but not pumpkin spice lattes) 

• Black Friday, Cyber Monday sales

• Jackets and hoodies

• Autumn in New York, walking in Central Park when the leaves change color
  

That sweet pungent ambrosia of fallen leaves, full of earthiness with a tinge of decay;

The blending and colors, tone on tone, shades and rich hues that evoke splendor and curiosity;

The transition of time that you can witness daily,

As if time slows down so you can get a glimpse of the world in flux. 

The weather matches my mood, my mood swings, my tempestuous but mostly even-keeled temperament. 

Melancholic. Bittersweet. Pensive.

But also the dread of the inevitable symbolic and literally coldness of death approaching that is winter. The signal of the latter phases of the cycle of life and death. The infinite, the only constant that is change, the birth, death, and rebirth like the Ouroboros, a snake eating its tail in a never-ending circle. 

Where does it end, where do I begin?  

The name carries inherently deep symbolic meaning. I’m ready to start falling. Up.